Office politics
by White Butterfly
Summary: A series of drabbles inspired by events that I witnessed while on camp. Third chapter: Happy Birthday!
1. How am I supposed to work?

* * *

A little drabble cooked over a camp I attended. We had our meetings in a room where there was a desk perched over the doorway. It was actually the console for the lights and projector but it did look funny up there.  
I also received several other ideas while sitting in that room so I will update as I write them. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Fullmetal Alchemist or any characters associated with it.  
I also do not own, though I have visited, the camp that I attended when I got this idea.

Word count: 115  
Time: 45 minutes

* * *

**How am I supposed to work?  
**by White butterfly 

-

Roy Mustang looked at the desk.

It was perfectly ordinary, wood with metal trimmings and a leather chair. It was rather military issue in fact.  
Roy blinked and looked at the table again. It was still there, looking imposing and staring down at him.

"FullMetal!" Roy called to the pipsqueak who had shown him the reconstructed office.  
"What do you want colonel?" Ed popped his head around the office door.  
Roy grasped him by the shoulder and hauled him into the room.  
"Explain to me Ed," he turned him to the desk, "how I'm supposed to work."  
Ed stared up at the desk perched atop the archway, facing into the room.  
"Uhh, use a ladder?"


	2. Crossdressing?

A little bit of a fic, again, inspired by what happened in the meeting room of a camp I attended. This happened in a meeting which contained a good bulk of what I will write about and transform into a fanfiction.  
So without further ado, lets get on to the craziness!

A few legal matters to clear up first...  
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Fullmetal Alchemist or any characters associated with it.  
I also do not own, though I have visited, the camp that I attended when I got this idea.

Time: Two weeks, writing sporadically  
Word count: 639

* * *

**Cross dressing**  
By White Butterfly 

-

Ed walked into the office already occupied by a Valman, Hawkeye, Fuery and, surprisingly a Colonel Roy Mustang.  
Roy Mustang and Valman glanced up.

"Nice to actually see you E- " Roy stopped in mid-sentence and coughed, trying to alert Riza; who was working intently on her paperwork, and Fuery; who was feeding Black Hayate under the desk.  
"Colonel."  
"Errr.. Yes, Edward?" Roy quickly stopped clearing his throat and turned his attention away from the occupied Hawkeye and Fuery, trying not to stare too closely at the blonde pipsqueak. "What is it that you want Edward."  
"I. Want. To. Complain." Ed strode forwards for each word, ending up slamming his gloved hands onto the Colonel's desk.  
"What is it this time Fullmetal?" Roy feigned disinterest as he lazily picked up the next piece of paperwork on his desk, signaling to Valman to stop staring.  
Ed's hand slammed into the desk again.  
"I want to know.." he got cut off by Valman standing to attention.  
"Sir, permission to take completed paperwork to the clerk?"  
"Permission granted." Roy waved it off, still not looking at Ed.  
"Right sir." he collected the piles off his and Fuery's desk, who was still trying to to coax Black Hayate; Riza automatically put her pile into his arms and Roy shot him a 'you're so lucky' look.

"Now, Edward, you were saying?" Roy folded his hands under his chin.  
Edward sputtered and then started again. "I want to complain about the" he paused for effect, "the laundry service."  
"What's wrong? They keep losing your clothes down the drain?" he jibed.  
Ed's eyebrow twitched before he choked out. "No, they seem to have mislaid my-" He was interrupted by Havoc marching in.  
"Sorry boss," he saluted to the colonel and to the still occupied Hawkeye, "sorry sir, I was having trouble with the laundry-" he trailed off in mid-word, letting the matter drop as much as the cigarette in the corner of his mouth did. His eyes glazed over as he stared as his boss's desk and the person bending over it.  
"Hey, Havoc what's with blocking the doorway?" Breda walked up behind him, trying to see what was happening. He managed to peer over Havoc's shoulder as Valman returned.  
"Wha-wha-wha." Breda and Havoc started stuttering, Breda throwing an occasional shriek.  
"What's going on?" Fuery, concerned by the amount of noise that was being produced poked his head from over the desk. He, in turn, started to to open and close his mouth silently and Black Hayate started yipping. At this the first lieutenant looked up.

"Wha-"  
Roy cut her off. "I think the question everyone wants to ask is: Why are you wearing a military issue skirt?" Ed turned round to face him, having previously turned to see the commotion at the door.  
"Because I couldn't find anything else I could wear in my closet after sending my pants to the laundry. And before you say anything else, it's harder than it looks."  
Riza stood up and strode over to him. "That might have to do with the fact you have no hips, Edward." She placed her hands on her own.  
"That and," Roy added, "you don't have a butt."

Everyone's head swiveled around to look at him.  
"Well," he directed his comment to Ed, "If you don't want to be spoken to like that, don't hang it over the edge of my desk." Ed flushed a furious red.  
"As I said, it's harder than it looks Colonel." He stuttered, his face still increasing in brightness. "I think I'll sit over here instead." He went to the couch and sat down.  
"And if you don't want any more comments like that Ed, tuck the skirt in." Riza commented as everyone started moving.

* * *

- 

Ed does stay cross dressed in the next part, which I won't disclose the details of. Aside from the fact it's someone's birthday... So keep a lookout for the next part, again, inspired by real events.


	3. Happy Birthday!

The much awaited continuation of the previous chapter, Crossdressing. So at last I present this to you.

A few legal matters to clear up first though...  
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Fullmetal Alchemist or any characters associated with it.  
I also do not own, though I have visited, the camp that I attended when I got this idea.

Time: Two days and one night  
Word count: 1203

* * *

"You're all expected to-" Riza's mid-day assignment briefing was interrupted by a knock, shortly followed by a major walking through the door.  
"Hel-lo!" The spectacled Maes Hughes strode in and flopped himself beside the blonde on the couch. "How are you-"  
He got interrupted by Riza Hawkeye clearing her throat and continuing with her briefing. "As I was saying you're all expected to complete-" She got cut off again by the flamboyant man.  
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? My department has finished it's meeting so I thought I could come by and talk to the Lieutenant Colonel. Oops," he caught the stare of the First Lieutenant, "was I interrupting again? I'll be quiet until the end of the meeting." With that he sat back down and let the first lieutenant finish her daily post-lunch meeting.  
During that time he noticed the blonde beside him wasn't wearing his usual outfit. 

"So with that sorted we can go to our work." She was just about to dismiss them when, again, Maes interrupted.  
"Sorry to disturb all of you but I've got an announcement to make." Everyone tensed as they expected a flash round of photos. "First off I'd like to comment on how dashing Ed looks in that skirt." Everyone breathed again, except for Ed, who just puffed up and tried to intimidate him.  
"Secondly, I got a batch of postcards with my family picture on them. Look isn't Elysia adorable? And isn't Gracia looking stupendous in that dress?" The office gave a collective sigh as they were treated to an in-depth analysis on how stunningly gorgeous his daughter and wife were.

Finally Maes pushed the bridge of his glasses up higher onto his nose signaling the end of the pictures.  
"And last of all, I have a marvelous announcement to make."  
The entire office was quiet as no-one drew a breath. Maes usually reserved the words 'marvelous' and 'announcement' for Elysia, but on the other hand, he rarely came into the office for nothing.

"It's Roy's birthday today."

-

Everybody's reactions were different.  
Valman let out his breath, thankful it wasn't another announcement concerning Elysia; Breda's eyes widened as he looked back and forth between the two friends, while Fuery started clapping.  
"Congratulations." Havoc actually took the cigarette out of his mouth to congratulate his superior and Riza gave a sedate, "Happy Birthday sir".

Of course the two with the best reactions were Ed and Roy.  
Roy went white as a sheet and tried to push himself away from his traitorous friend but apparently all the strength had gone out of his arms, leaving them trembling as he braced himself against his desk as Edward howled with laughter and pointed at his superior officer.

"Ha! Another year older, geezer! Do you think you can take me on this year? No, you couldn't. Or is that not a white hair I see!"  
Roy raised a gloved hand and levelly said, "Do you want me to burn that skirt off you, Fullmetal?", the strength apparently returning to his arm. Edward immediately sat back down, almost making a hole in the couch with the force and speed with which he did.  
"Now, Roy, I won't let you scar anyone for life on your birthday. I don't think Ed would want to miss out on Gracia's lovely cake." At that moment Maes swung his arm out to the office door as Major Alex Louis Armstrong came in bearing an impressive looking cake decorated with a 28 in black icing.

"Happy Birthday sir! It's my pleasure to bring this cake to you!" the Major boomed as he set the cake down in front of Roy. Gracia had outdone herself in its decoration, icing on a transmutation circle in red and the dragon of Amestris in green.

"She thought she'd leave out the candles because it'd be pointless for you to light them and then blow them out. So instead of that Roy, and instead of a twenty-one gun salute," he eyed Riza, who had looked as if she was willing to participate though not necessarily for Roy, "we're going to do what they sometimes do at Elysia's creche. Armstrong?" Maes gestured to Armstrong and the muscular man moved behind Mustang's chair.

"What are you doing?" Roy panicked and grasped the table again but he was soon effortlessly picked up, while still sitting on his chair, by the muscled Major.  
"Ahhh! What are you doing!" Roy yelled.  
"One!" The Major lowered him almost to the floor and then picked him up again, practically swinging him up to shoulder height.  
"Two!"

"You see," Maes turned to the slightly shocked and stunned observers, "he gets lifted up for every year of his life. Usually it's done with four people, one for each leg, but I thought it'd be easier with just Armstrong." They all nodded in response and started counting along with Armstrong.

-

"TWENTY-FIVE!"

"TWENTY-SIX!"

"TWENTY-SEVEN!"

"TWENTY-EIGHT!"  
"Ninety!"

Ed delighted in chiming in at the end with the wrong number as Armstrong settled Roy down and then, later, singing the wrong words to "Happy Birthday".  
Roy reached melting point when Ed started snickering over Maes cutting the cake.

"Okay, that's it. Maes do you have a camera?" Roy got up and walked over to the couch, glaring at the blonde in the miniskirt.  
"Sure I do, it's your birthday." Maes held up the device.  
"Good. Take a photo of what happens next."  
"But sir," Riza cut in, "we have enough photos of you torturing Ed al-" she stopped as Roy picked up the Alchemist who was half his age.  
"Hey what are you doing?" Ed squirmed in Roy's grip, trying to wriggle out of the rather embarrassing position that was being photographed by Maes. "Hey! Don't put your hand there ya dumbwit! I'm wearing a miniskirt!"  
"Stop squirming then." With that Roy abruptly dropped Ed leaving him to think quickly and scramble to his feet.

"What ya do that for!"  
"To make you stop making fun of me." Roy dusted off his hands and then helped himself to a piece of the cake. "Unless you're implying that because you are so compact that any old man can lift you?"  
Ed's eyebrow did a little dance on his forehead before he opened his mouth to shout at his commanding officer.  
"Now Ed," Roy held out a hand to stop his progress, "if you call me old man again you won't get a piece of this cake. And if you even think about stealing a piece or how to pay me back, Maes here has the camera." He smirked and then took a bite out of his cake.

Again Ed's facial features gave a little dance before he stormed to the door, tugged the skirt down and stormed out.  
"Well." Roy glanced at the other members of his cohort. "Does anybody else want some of this cake?" he said holding up his piece that was half eaten.

* * *

- 

Again based off a camp meeting, the situations of which I shall contrive to write in fanfiction form. Much more laughter can be expected. (The next one includes a short member being called a modern Nurse Nightingale.)


End file.
